Heart and Soul
by KarissaCarlos
Summary: Lovino has lost everything. But everything is not as it seems. Will he be able to handle the changes? Or will he succumb to the fear of the unknown? Rating will go Up Pairings: Spamano, FrUk, PruCan
1. Prologue

Heart and Soul

Lovino felt the tears fall soundlessly from his eyes as the plain black coffin was lowered slowly into the ground. Lovino hated that coffin. It was too dark. Too… boring. Unworthy of the man that was supposed to be inside.

Six months.

It had been six months since the day Antonio and his stupid friends had gone missing. Six months filled with tears and sleepless nights spent searching for the Trio with Arthur and Matt. Six months... of nothing. Finally a couple of nights ago, police had found the remnants of Francis' favourite blue coat- Torn and covered in blood that was months old. Nearby they had found traces of Antonio and Gilbert's blood. Well... more like pools of it actually. The doctors had all agreed that no one could have survived that much blood loss and the case had been closed.

Lovino had not cried when Gilbert's brother Ludwig, who had been in charge of the case, told him the news. He had simply slammed the door in his face. He didn't know how long he stood there, hand still on the door, but it was morning by the time he moved away from the door. The days after were a blur. Meaningless flowers piled up on his doorstep, meaningless letters of condolence. A call from Arthur informing him of the empty casket burial the next day. None of it seemed real. Not until now. A choked sob escaped his lips as the coffin that represented Antonio's life was lowered into the ground. Then, he was screaming. Screaming at Antonio for leaving him, screaming at him for making him fall in love and screaming at his Fratello for holding him back. Why was he holding him back?! Didn't he understand he had to KILL Antonio for all he put him through?! The briefest glimpse at Matts face froze him. Reminded him of the two other coffins beside Antonio's. Reminded him why they were there. Lovino fell to his knees, no longer caring about his expensive suit. No longer caring about anything as he stared silently at the coffin that held his heart.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Two Years Later_

Lovino rolled slowly out of bed, wincing as the cuts on his arms opened a little. Sighing, he reached for the bandages he had kept on his nightstand since Antonio's death. After he finished dressing the wounds he looked around his small bedroom. His eyes lingered on a picture of him and Matt his best friend. It was a sunny day, and his Canadian friend had talked him into going to the zoo. Lovino smiled. That day had been.. good. After having lost his job, Lovino had moved in with Matt, his best, and as far as he was concerned, only friend. The Brit, Arthur had moved away around a year ago, Lovino didn't really find himself caring where. After standing and stretching out his cramped muscles, Lovino made his way into the kitchen where Matt was making pancakes, the traditional breakfast of their household.

"Morning Matt" Lovino said, walking past the blonde to grab a cup of coffee.

"M-Morning Lovi" Lovino watched at Matthew adjusted his glasses. The boy had become exceedingly shy since his Fiancée, -That potato bastard- had died, and gained a small stutter. "D-Do you want some pancakes….?" The blonde asked carefully. Lovino hated the cautious way his friend had been acting around him lately. Although… It wasn't exactly uncalled for. Lovino had become.. unstable since.. _His _death. The smallest thing could set him off… he had nearly trashed the apartment simply because Matt had asked him if he wanted a Tomato…

_It had just been a normal day, he and Matt had just come back from grocery shopping and were putting away all the food. Lovino had been put on pantry duty apparently he wasn't allowed to put food in the fridge because he messed up Matts "organization". Lovino personally believed it was more like organized chaos… _

"_Hey Lovi!" Matt had said cheerfully. "Do you want a Tomato?"_

_Lovino had frozen. In that instant Matt had sounded so much like Antonio that he could almost convince himself that if he turned around he would see the brunet, smiling stupidly and holding out the heavenly red fruit. __**Almost.**__ Instead, when he turned around to see the shy blonde holding out the offending fruit he had lost it. Lovino could vaguely remember screaming and throwing things at Matt. Anything he could get his hands on went flying towards the blonde, who had been forced to hide in the bathroom to avoid getting hit in the head by a stray jar of maple syrup, Only to come out moments later when Lovino broke down crying in the middle of the destroyed living room. Since that day it had been an unspoken rule to keep Lovino away from Tomatoes…_

"-ovi?" Lovino snapped back to the present to see Matts worried face hovering in front of his own.

"Oh..! uh.. Sure Matt… thanks…" Lovino still found thanking people awkward… but like Matt had become more shy, Lovino found himself just not having the energy to keep up his fiery exterior. Lovino sat himself at the small table, placing the plastic plate down in front of himself. "Is Arthur coming over today…?"

"oh.. uh n-n-o.. I couldn't get in touch with him… I-Its just us…"

"Oh.." Lovino stared down at his untouched pancakes. Every six months, He, Matt and usually Arthur all went to see Antonio. Well… he went to see Antonio.. he supposed Matt whent to see Gilbert and Arthur went to see the fuckface. Why anyone would want to see Francis was beyond Lovino.. that pervert creeped him out.

"S-so.. whenever you're ready to go Lovi… I guess we can just leave eh…?"

"Uh… sure Matt.. I just have to take a shower…" Lovino mumbled, quickly standing up and making his way to the bathroom.

Matthew sighed quietly and began clearing the table of the breakfast that his best friend had, once again not eaten. He put the scraps in his pet bear, Kuma… Kumamatata's dish. After placing the rest of the dishes in the sink he sat down on the couch to wait for Lovi to be done his shower. As usual he found his fingers playing with the German cross that hung from his neck. The cross had belonged to Gilbert.. Part of a matching set for himself and Ludwig from their grandfather before the man had Died. It was the albinos most treasured possession. Matthew smiled as he remembered how Gilbert would give it to him every time he left the house, even if he would only be gone an hour.

"_So you know Ill come back for you Birdie!" _he would say, as he hung the cross around Matthews neck and gave him a kiss. Even though it was silly, It had always made Matthew feel better. And Gilbert had always come back…. Until that night… he had hurriedly handed Matthew the cross, explaining that Antonio had gotten into a fight with Lovino and needed some "Bro-time" he had smiled and told Matthew that "THE AWESOME" Gilbert would be back the next day. So Matthew had waited. And waited, and waited. For six months he had waited, clinging to the hope that the tree friends had gone on an impromptu safari or something…

"I guess a part of me is still waiting Gil…" Matthew quickly wiped his eyes. It was better not to cry… he knew Lovino blamed himself for the trios disappearance and he didn't want the Italian to get any more depressed…

"Hey Matt… ready to go?" Matthew turned around to face his friend. Lovino was dressed in simple black cloths, with a bright red ribbon around his neck, tied in a loose bow that Matthew knew had belonged to Antonio.

"Y-Yeah I'm ready…" Matthew walked over to a large cage in the corner and pulled out Gilberts small yellow bird, placing it carefully in his hair.

"Seriously Matt!? Do you have to bring that fucking bird everywhere?! Gilberts not coming back for it so just get rid of it or something!"

"…" Matthew cast his eyes to the floor. He knew Gilbert wasn't coming back but.. he had Loved Gilbird more then he loved himself… it just seemed.. wrong to treat the bird any differently then Gilbert himself had.

"Oh… don't cry Matt… I'm sorry just.. forget about it okay?" Lovino mumbled, feeling like a total Jerk.

"I-Its okay Lovi…."

They spent the long drive in silence. Lovino glaring out the window as Kuma slept on his lap. God how could he be such a jerk?! He had made Matt cry! What kind of friend does that?! He watched with a scowl as the road became surrounded by the trees of the Trios favorite forest. Lovino had never found out how Arthur had managed to get the permission to bury the Trio inside of it… The forest was beautiful in fall… shades of red and yellow everywhere he looked. He couldn't help but smile. Autumn had been Antonio's favorite season. He loved all the colors- and jumping in the pile of leaves that Lovino had JUST raked…

"U-um.. Lovi..? were here…." Matts quite voice jolted Lovino out of his memories.

"Hunh?" He looked around, recognizing the giant rock that marked the beginning of the path to the trios graves. "oh.. thanks for driving Matt…" He said, stepping out of the car and setting Kuma down to let him run around

"I-Its really beautiful this time of year isn't it..?" Matthews soft voice drifted to Lovino above the sound of the leaves crunching under Kumas feet.

"Uh.. yeah it is… Antonio really loved the fall… I guess all the colors grabbed the bastards attention or something…"

"Y-yeah…" The two fell into silence as they began to walk. It wasn't a horribly long walk, Only about 20 minutes of so until they arrived at the clearing. 3 simple graves, placed in a circle so the headstones were touching, a last tribute to the friendship of those buried there. Silently they made there way over to them. Matthew stopped to pay his respects to Francis before sitting on the grass that covered Gilberts grave. Lovino meanwhile, simply stoop at the foot of his lovers grace. He hated coming here. He never knew what to say and he usually ended up waiting for the others in the car.

"H-hey Antonio… its… its me… Lovi…" Lovino paused, his hands trembling "I uh… I miss you… A lot.. its.. its been two years now.." Lovino swallowed back tears. "I-I'm sorry I haven't said anything before… I-I just didn't know how…" Lovino forced himself to smile. "Y-you used to say we would be together forever… I-I'm sorry… I'm so sorry,, I d-didn't mean all those things I said to you…!" Lovino looked away, his tears now flowing despite his best efforts.

"I… I s-still love you damnit!" Lovino fell to his knees and curled into a ball on top of the grave. "I-I miss you so much…! W-Why did you have t-to leave Damnit?!" Lovino fell into silence. Tears streamed down his face as he lay on the cool grass. His mind racing through all the memories at a thousand miles per hour. Even as his body slowly drifted to sleep.


End file.
